


Love Lessons

by TrinityRose



Category: The Flash
Genre: Age Difference, F/M, Older Man/Younger Woman, Romance, Snowells, Student-Teacher Relationship, Teacher-Student Relationship, age gap, younger woman/older man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-16 20:43:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13644081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrinityRose/pseuds/TrinityRose
Summary: Caitlin Snow lands her dream job at S.T.A.R. Labs. What she doesn't know is that her new boss is the man she'd almost ruined her entire future career for ten years ago in college. Because Harrison Wells was her first and her *everything*.now with a video promo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ziGAzaxx6E





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If you’re bothered a little by the beginning, please just read this one chapter to the end, ok? And then make up your mind: P

Every woman had a secret regarding her love life that she kept hidden and buried deep down inside her heart. Every woman had a story she'd rather not share with anyone. Caitlin Snow was no different. For her it'd happened exactly ten years ago and, if she were to be honest, she still wasn't over that, the amount of time passing by seeming completely insignificant. Because the way he looked, the way he moved and talked, the way he touched her and kissed her and made love to her… she just couldn't erase that no matter how hard she tired. The thing was that she didn't even want to admit to her own self that she wasn't sure there would ever come a time she would forget and move on. Once those thoughts came to her mind, she always immediately pushed them away, shutting herself down because if that were true, then she didn't know what she lived for anymore and why she even bothered trying to retain some kind of sanity in her life, why she even tried to have a successful relationship if everything _after_ would be ruined anyway.

Of course, keeping this secret stretched to keeping it from her boyfriend as well. Or maybe _especially_ from him. Because if he knew… he might not be there the next day when she woke up and she wasn't quite sure what was better – lying to herself and trying to at least live a semblance of a normal life or just let it go and be alone.

Maybe one of those days she would get her answer.

Or maybe she already knew. No one had ever made her feel the way _he_ had used to. No one had ever had this effect on her again. Not even Barry, the man she claimed to love now. The man who was actually the best out of all the men out there. Who was sweet and caring and considerate. Maybe that was why she chose him. Maybe he simply was the complete opposite to whom she'd used to love and probably still loved. And she knew Barry didn't deserve this, but she couldn't seem to let go because the moment she stopped lying to herself would be the moment she would once and for all shatter and lose herself completely.

Barry was always there for her as his best feature was his reliability. Just as now she got down for breakfast and there were already pancakes waiting for her on the table. Barry just stood there, a cute smile on his face, yet one with no dimples. And she'd used to love someone's dimples once… He might've not smiled all that often, but once he did…

She couldn't go there. She just couldn't.

"I figured you'd need some special treatment today," Barry said when kissing her cheek for good morning. "Have you slept?"

"Surprisingly well, considering…" her voice tailed off as she sat down. She just now seemed to have developed jitters, looking at the food but feeling unable to swallow it. Then again, she remembered how Barry had cooked it all for her, so she forced herself to take a bite and then wash it down with a sip of coffee.

"I'm sure you'll kill it today! I'll be waiting for you when you come back to celebrate!"

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves," Caitlin warned him. "I may not get this job."

"Are you kidding me?! You're the best! I'm sure you'll get it! They'll be lucky to have you!"

Why did he have to be so optimistic? Caitlin suddenly wondered. It was supposed to be a good feature, but she could swear that sometimes it just got on her nerves.

"Well, once you do get the job, I will take you somewhere special and we'll celebrate properly. Maybe during the weekend, what do you say?" he then suggested and she felt a weight in her stomach that wasn't there just a second before. Was he gonna propose? She wondered. And if so, what would she say? She'd chosen him because he was so persistent and sweet and reliable and loving and she knew this man would never leave her, that he would be faithful to her till the end. The problem with this choice was that it was smart, not emotional.

"Sure. Sounds good. Although, if I do get the job, I may go there during the weekend to settle in properly," she then said, partially because she really was planning on it and partially because she wished to prolong the inevitable for a least few more weeks.

"Cait, is there something wrong?" Barry suddenly asked, the smile fading away from his face. When she didn't answer, just staring at her food and picking on it with her fork, he said, "Listen, I'm sorry to bring this up now out of all days, but… you haven't let me touch you for weeks and I begin to seriously worry. Did I do something wrong?"

How could she tell him the truth? She wondered. How could she just tell him that exactly those few weeks ago during the tenth anniversary of her biggest and most heartbreaking breakup, she just couldn't stand the touch of another man? Of a man that wasn't _him_? How was she supposed to tell Barry that when she'd been a naïve and inexperienced but brilliant nineteen year old student, she'd fallen in love with her single forty year old professor and had a torrid affair with him? How was she supposed to tell Barry that on the day they'd ended things, she vowed never to look him up online or try to check up on him? How was she supposed to reveal that she almost broke that promise but managed to hold on? And it wasn't because _he_ was so much older now than he was then, it was because she was afraid he was _happy_ whereas she was not. She was afraid he'd moved on and made a life for himself whereas she still couldn't get over him.

Yeah, her life sucked despite looking perfect on the outside.

"Barry… I… I have to go. I'll be late," she said before taking one more quick bite of her pancake that tasted like paper in her mouth not because Barry couldn't cook, but because she was so sick with nerves and worry about her own sanity.

Next, she grabbed a bag, put on her heels and left, heading straight to S.T.A.R. Labs to have that job interview. Which she would probably ruin now that her mind was in such a terrible place.

* * *

Caitlin expected anything from her job interview, but not _this_.

"Oh, dr. Caitlin Snow," the receptionist sent her a smile, "dr. Wells will see you right away. Follow me."

That was the moment she felt her mouth going dry.

Did this woman just say dr. Wells?! She must've heard it all wrong, Caitlin told herself, because two months ago when she'd applied for this position, she was sure there was no dr. Wells in charge. It must've been her mind playing tricks on her for sure. She'd just been thinking about him a lot lately and that was why she heard it all wrong. She just heard what she wanted to hear, that was it, right? Because if…

She only found enough courage in herself to look at the boss of the S.T.A.R. Labs when the receptionist closed the door behind her and left them alone.

Only she didn't even have to look up to know how wrong she was to even come here today, because she heard him say in the exact same voice that haunted her dreams for ten years straight, "Snow."

She was dead, she thought, raising her eyes to meet the familiar gorgeous blues that she'd used to gaze into so often in the past, her whole body flushing immediately as blood started flowing faster and faster in her veins. She also blushed when he made a step towards her and didn't just stop there, oh no, he came _closer_ until she could see his face better and he reached his hand to hers when smiling to her.

"It's been a very long time."

 _Fuck_ , she thought, she was totally screwed. One thing she couldn't understand – how the hell was he even _hotter_ and more _handsome_ than he'd been ten years ago?! Why was this happening to her?!

"Snow, are you all right? I hoped the shock would wear off by now."

* * *

_Ten years ago_

The moment dr. Harrison Wells walked into the classroom, her whole world changed. It wasn't even that she found him attractive right away and wished him to seduce her, oh no, Caitlin wasn't one of _those_ students. She just saw how brilliant he was, a true genius as he taught the class and made it so interesting she always came to it eagerly, which she couldn't say about some others she barely survived. This man could talk in a way that would immediately make everyone go silent and listen. He had that gift. He could pass on his knowledge so smoothly that Caitlin didn't even have to study all that hard, his examples and explanations making everything clear to her and once a student actually _understood_ what the subject was all about, they could _learn_ it and _remember_ it instead of forgetting everything right after the exam.

He couldn't not notice her either. Caitlin Snow was brilliant, he saw that the very first time he asked her a question, led by an instinct rather than a simple guess. She was always silent and never engaged herself into any discussion, but there was something in the way she was in his class, something in her eyes that told him she understood everything perfectly and had a sharp mind and unusual intelligence. Which she proved to him over and over again every time he asked her a question. After few weeks he knew how to approach her, how to make her speak up and engage in a discussion and he was so proud of the progress she made. It wasn't even that she was learning so fast, it was that she seemed to match _his own_ intellect, which never actually happened to him before. There was just something about Caitlin Snow and he knew she would one day become magnificent in her field of expertise. She was barely nineteen and should have been a child in his eyes, but he never saw her that way. He never could just because she was wise and intelligent beyond her years.

Maybe admitting that was his mistake. Maybe if he hadn't asked her to be his assistant, none of the following would have happened.

* * *

_Now_

"Snow? Caitlin?" That finally did it. She stopped staring at him, seeming to have finally woken up and then she took a deep breath and turned around.

Well, when it came to him, he couldn't stop staring as well, but did his best not to show it. She was even more beautiful than she'd been those ten years ago. In fact, he felt like he'd never in his entire life seen anything quite so flawless, beautiful, delicate and strong in the same time. Memories started coming back to him and he had to close his eyes for a moment, relieved that her back was turned to him now and she couldn't see his expression. He remembered how he kissed those lips and touched this body. He remembered how he was the first at nearly everything they'd done then, how it was to bury himself… He had to fist his hands and exorcize those thoughts because obviously, they wouldn't do him any good now. She probably moved on and even if not, now he was definitely too old for her. He'd been then, too, though. Damn it. Maybe that was their curse. What had been between them, what he still felt, was too much and was way too real to just dismiss it, but they always seemed to be in this horrible position. If he hadn't left before, he would've been ostracized for having an affair with his student and any future career she might have would've already been ruined. Now it was similar as he was to become her boss and even if that wasn't an issue, she probably already had her own life.

"I…" she finally spoke and though it was such a simple word, it stirred something inside of him. He remembered all the sounds she was making when he was inside her, how he made her… _stop_ , he reminded himself, fisting his hands, yet, once again. "I didn't know you were the boss," she finally finished that sentence and then turned back to him. She truly couldn't be more perfect.

"I've just recently taken over this position," he explained. "So, I take it you haven't been checking up on me online."

"No, I couldn't," she answered and this honesty surprised him. "That would be too much."

He nodded after a moment and then said, "Well, it was too much for me as well, but that didn't stop me."

She left it without a comment. Instead, she went with, "Is this why I got this interview two whole months after I applied for the job? I was sure I wouldn't get it."

"Yes," he answered to her terror.

"Oh, God," she just moaned. "I _am_ not good enough, after all!"

"No… that's… Snow, stop, you _are_ ," he immediately told her, hating that he almost lost his cool. "The previous boss was an idiot who hired his own daughter."

"And how _this_ is any different?" She pointed at herself and Wells cringed. He would never _ever_ think of her that way and she knew it. He also knew that she didn't mean it like _that_ , but he couldn't help it. The age gap was always a sore point for them and it wasn't even because it bothered _them_. It was because they could never be together openly, not when he'd been her teacher and she'd been such a young student, even if legal.

"This is different because I know how brilliant and smart you are. I always saw your potential and I know you deserve this job."

"Oh, really? You expect me to just take it and work under you every day from now on?!" she suddenly raised her voice, blushing again when she said the words _under you_. Obviously, just as they left her mouth, she realized the subtext. "Oh, God, Harrison…" she then sighed when putting her hands on her head and turning away from him once again. "We can't do this. This won't work. How can you even imagine it?!"

"I know that you deserve this job, Snow," he just said. And damn it, why did he have to say her name like _that_? Like ten years hadn't passed at all? Like they were back on that campus, falling in love? And why had she been so stupid _then_ to fall for him?! Why did she still _feel_ it?! And why did he have to be so damn hot and sexy when he was fifty now?! That was truly incomprehensible to her. This man was like wine and she was falling for the same trap all over again, the truth being that she would walk straight into fire for him.

"You're giving it to me because of our history. _You_ left _me,_ remember?!" she suddenly reminded him when facing him and there was so much pain in her eyes that it rendered him unable to breathe.

"Honestly?" he finally asked her, his voice hoarse and even more so than usual. "Snow, I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought you'd get past this and one day you'd even thank me." He chuckled, seeing the irony. "But you were never just some girl, were you? You were always fierce and independent and you always knew what you wanted, no matter your age. You were wise beyond that." She nodded, swallowing over tears. "I also remember we both agreed on the break up to save both of our future careers before things would get out of control. The question is, what about now?"

"Now…" she hesitated, "now I have a boyfriend who used to be my best friend, so it only felt natural that we…" she stopped, seeing the hurt look on Harrison's face that he desperately wanted to hide. "I needed nice and stable, Harry. I couldn't handle another…" Another _what_? She thought. Life changing love? "Another _you_ ," she finally finished with. "Though, there was never really gonna be any other you."

"As there never was any other _you_ ," he agreed with a nod.

She always knew he was married to science. He'd once even told her that. He'd also told her that she shook that belief and made him rethink everything. Well, at least he was still true to himself. He hadn't found a replacement for her, but maybe she'd rather he would. Maybe then it would be easier.

"The job is yours, Snow," he then said. "It's always been yours. You've already proven yourself enough to me and after years of tracking your career and your achievements, I couldn't be more sure. The question is whether you want it."

She bit on her lower lip, a gesture he remembered she'd used to make a lot when struggling with some decision. It was truly driving him crazy and he was afraid his pants would soon get too tight and that she would notice and that he wouldn't be held accountable for what he would do next. It was also killing him that there was another man out there, a much _younger_ man who could touch her and kiss her and…

Harrison couldn't handle this anymore. He walked back to his desk and sat in his chair.

"I shouldn't. By taking this job I will only complicate my life more."

"But it's your dream job, isn't it?" he just asked, boring those damn beautiful blue eyes into hers. "Unless something has changed."

"It hasn't."

"Then take it."

"I am so going to regret this."

"I'll see you tomorrow," he simply said and when she basically ran away from this office, he added just to himself, "and I am so going to regret this, too." He sighed heavily and then buried his face in his hands. God, help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a little side fic. I would say a side fic to chill, but yeah… there's no chilling with my stories, right? They're always too serious and too emotional. I was just completely taken over with the idea of Harrison simply being Caitlin's first and this seemed like the only way to approach the subject. The age gap is also one of my favorite things as, ok, guilty here, I also have a thing for older men (but maybe not that old, maybe just ten years plus my age? Well, unless they're Tom Cavanagh hot!), so that's why I love snowells so much.


	2. Chapter 2

_Now_

There was no celebrating her landing the job as Caitlin came back home, pretending to be sick and spent the whole day in bed. The worst part was that once she actually came up with this excuse and did lie down, she truly started to feel ill as she couldn't see her future so clear anymore. She just couldn't see herself living her life by Barry's side, pretending to be ok and just love him when in fact all she could think of was another man. Because if she thought she could work with Harrison Wells and lead her life the way she'd used to, she was fooling herself. She had no way of knowing whether he had some hidden agenda in hiring her, whether he wanted her back or maybe he just simply needed her talent in the Labs. One way or another, she knew that it wouldn't be fair to Barry as the poor guy simply didn't deserve this. He deserved someone who would be crazy for him the way… well, the way Caitlin had never stopped being about Harry, never actually bringing herself to Google him and see where he was, but always thinking about him. No matter what she did, where she was and with whom, he was always there like a ghost haunting her, following her every step. And he actually had since he'd admitted himself that he'd been keeping tabs on her. What was she supposed to make of _that_?! In the end, she just crawled up in a ball and cried silently into her pillow, feeling that this was now beyond her, that maybe the right thing to do would be not taking the job. Only it was already too late. She knew that once seeing him again, actually talking to him and accepting the offered position, there was no coming back. She was screwed the moment she heard his secretary say his name, because just _then_ Cait made the decision to walk through his door. That was it. And there was no coming back even if it killed her. And it already did once.

God help her.

* * *

_Ten Years Ago_

Caitlin decided that she was losing her mind.

She was dr. Wells's teacher's assistant, working for an extra credit, chosen for this position because she was at the top of her class. And she was also totally losing her focus every single damn time they were alone in his office, preparing for another lesson he was to give the next day. In fact, her focus – the one thing she always prided herself on when attending any class in her life – was so out of whack that it made her feel ashamed. She kept on telling herself that she was professional, that it didn't matter how handsome this man was, how beautiful eyes or hands or voice he possessed or how attracting his genius was. She was just a college student and he was way out of her league, not to mention age range. She shouldn't be having all those lustful thoughts about him, but she just couldn't stop them either. Something was happening to her and she felt truly powerless to keep herself in check. She nearly moaned in frustration when working with him, yet, another day, deciding she wouldn't be the biggest cliché in the world that was a student in love with her teacher who obviously didn't care. She would not destroy her entire future career over some crush. She would not quit either. She would see this job through so she could get this credit. She needed it. Period. It wasn't like he was feeling the same anyway. That just seemed ridiculous.

As she raised her head from the papers she was just going through – though God knew it was all Greek to her despite her ability to actually understand it – and looked at dr. Wells working on something on his laptop, immersed deeply in thoughts, glasses on; she forced herself to imagine how it would be like to see through his eyes. There she was, sitting so close but yet so far away, being just another face in the crowd, another smart student he'd taken under his wing. She could as well be a child in his eyes, and one that was so inexperienced to that; she told herself even though it actually hurt. She could as well be his daughter for goodness' sake! Still, the very idea made her cringe. The lack of focus she was suffering from whenever he was around recently was truly the worst because it was affecting her studying process. In fact, his slightest touch was driving her crazy and it didn't seem to matter whether their hands met accidentally when he was handing her over some paper or he just happened to touch her shoulder when standing behind her, checking what she came up with; she was _always_ affected by his close proximity no matter how innocent and meaningless it was. And his eyes… God, those eyes! The way they usually looked at her made her mouth go all dry and then she actually started to think of his _own lips_.

"Snow, are you all right?" She seemed to have suddenly woken up as he addressed her and once she realized she'd just been staring at his face, not to mention _mouth_ , she immediately felt her cheeks flushing crimson.

"Of course," she lied smoothly, though her voice was a little hoarse there and she bit on her lower lip, looking into his eyes again and desperately wanting to come up with something that would make sense. What was the thing they were working on even about? She tried to remember and failed miserably.

Only then she was shocked when she actually noticed his eyes steering in the direction of her lip or more precisely – the lip she was now holding between her teeth. Could she actually imagine the whole thing? She didn't think so, noticing his pupils dilating as well.

Maybe it wasn't just her imagination, she suddenly realized, completely stunned about her discovery. Maybe he, too…

In that moment he most definitely realized he'd been caught red-handed and cleared his throat, looking away from her. Next thing he did was to take off his glasses and rub his eyes while releasing a heavy sigh.

"Snow…" he started, but them stopped and she wasn't sure whether the thing he said next was truly what he wanted to say, "I… I think we're done here for the day."

She got up so fast that her pen landed on the floor and once she actually bent down to pick it up, she noticed that he reached for it, too, reacting purely on instinct. Their hands met and there it was again. _Fire_. _Burning. Hot_.

"I got it," she then said in a voice that didn't even sound like hers anymore and without looking at him, she quite literally ran away from his office.

* * *

She wished that had been the end of her mortification.

When she woke up the next day, she managed to convince herself that it was all in her head and dr. Wells was just trying to be helpful and had no feelings for her whatsoever, because the thought itself seemed just ridiculous.

And then she went to that damned class of his – which she really felt like skipping, but she still needed the credit – and understood nothing. It was truly the first time she felt stupid when sitting there, trying to make heads or tails out of it all.

It kind of made her feel better that the subject itself was so difficult that everyone in there had the same problem, not able to just grasp what dr. Wells was trying to teach them. Eventually, he himself sighed and joked, "Great. If I can't teach you anything anymore, then I guess I'm simply getting too old."

And everyone laughed along with him. Everyone except her.

Caitlin just sighed, seeing far more in that one simple joke than anyone in the room. And then his eyes actually found hers in the crowd and he stopped laughing as though he understood, too.

Or she was truly losing her mind.

* * *

She thought the worst was over with the end of the class, but she was once again wrong because Dr. Wells actually told her he wanted to see her in his office.

 _Great_ , Caitlin thought, he was definitely going to fire her. Could he even do that when technically he wasn't even paying her for being his assistant? Could that affect her final grade? And what about her working relationship with him? Was that completely ruined as well? How was she going to look him in the eye since they weren't even near the end of the semester?

She followed him to his office on feet that totally felt like jelly, her nervousness only increasing when he opened the door and let her in first. He took his usual seat behind his desk, gesturing for her to take the chair in front of it.

"Snow," he started when meeting her eyes again and then suddenly stopping as though he forgot what he was going to say. "Listen," he took it up again after a moment while looking away. "I feel like I need to… address what happened yesterday," he finally said, yet he still hesitated.

"Dr. Wells, I…" She didn't even know yet what she was going to say, but she meant to dismiss all of his fears and assure him that she was, indeed, a professional and whatever he thought she might be feeling there, simply wasn't true.

She didn't get the chance to say any of those things, though, because he blatantly cut in by revealing, "I feel like I need to apologize."

"Like _you_ need to?" she asked, not understanding anything anymore and just staring at him until he finally looked right back.

"It was inappropriate of me," he explained.

"It's fine." She just wished to leave his office already and forget that both this conversation and the previous day ever happened.

"It's not. It was most definitely _not_ fine." He fixed her with his stare and she truly didn't know whether this meant he wanted her the way she seemed to want him or whether he was trying to pass on some message. Like maybe that this was _off limits_? "I never want you to feel threatened by anything when you're alone with me," he proceeded. "I want you to know that you're always safe and no harm, nor any kind of harassment will meet you from my side. I will not violate your trust like this Snow."

Did he actually mean _sexual_ harassment? She suddenly wondered, her mouth parting. And then she finally understood. He was apologizing to her for basically letting her know that he was attracted to her and he didn't want her to tell on him. Because one word from her mouth could ruin his entire career. Not that she would ever do such a thing. She cared too much. Then again, he seemed to care for her, too and he didn't want her to feel afraid in his presence. He wasn't a creep, she always knew that, but he did feel something there and maybe was just trying as hard to hide it from her as she was trying to hide her own feelings. She wasn't stupid. In fact, her emotional intelligence was always more advanced than of any people she usually encountered. She just wished she'd figured out what he felt sooner. Though her common sense had told her not to dwell on it because she might've been ridiculous. Well, it so happened that she truly was not.

"It's fine," she found herself repeating, desperately trying to find a way to tell him everything she wanted him to know without actually having to say it aloud.

"Snow."

"No, you don't understand," this time she was the one to interrupt as she met his eyes bravely. "I could never be afraid of anything. Not when it comes to you. Also, there was nothing you… did," she hesitated before eventually following with, "that put me off. Quite the contrary, actually." That last sentence was out of her mouth before she managed to stop herself and she groaned inwardly, losing all her courage right then and quickly looking away, just studying the painting of a grey and blue sky hanging on one of his walls.

He didn't say anything for a very long time and she didn't dare look at him again, just waiting for what would come next in nervous anticipation.

Finally, she heard him sigh heavily and when she did look back at him, the urge being way too strong than her fear; she saw that he took off his glasses and his eyes were fixed on them as he held them in his hands now.

"Snow, look…" he started, putting them back on and facing her; his expression, yet, not divulging anything. "Ah… I do… I do care for you, I do," he assured her and her eyes widened as she heard that. Was this really happening? "In fact," he then confessed, his eyes boring into hers so intensely that she stopped breathing, feeling her heart beating so hard in her chest he might as well hear it, too, "I care more than it's safe to admit, but… this… this can't happen."

"Obviously," she found herself say.

"It wouldn't be professional."

"Agreed."

"But it's killing me all the same."

"Wait… what?"

He actually groaned before taking those damn glasses off again and burying his face in his hands. "I shouldn't have said that out loud," he admitted.

"But you did."

"You should… you should go," he said as though he didn't even hear her and he got up from his chair, walking straight to the door with the intention to hold it open for her.

"I take that our… cooperation is over, then," she guessed just because she needed to know.

He didn't answer, clearly thinking about it or maybe not thinking at all since once she did get up as well and made her way to him, waiting for him to open that damn door for her since his hand was still on the knob, he just stood there. In the end, he grabbed her face and before she knew what was happening, his lips were on hers and she stopped breathing, shocked that he actually kissed her. And boy, did it feel good! Her whole body was set on fire as his lips touched hers, as he moved them along her own roughly, bruisingly. There was nothing gentle in this kiss, it was pure need that must've been there for quite some time now. And she needed and wanted this man, too and so much.

That was why she released an involuntary moan when he kissed her and when the initial shock wore off, she opened her mouth, returning the kiss and immediately feeling his tongue sliding down her lower lip as though he needed to taste it after seeing her biting it the other day. Then she felt it inside her mouth and it was heaven.

When the kiss stopped and they just stood there, forehead to forehead, breathing heavily, he whispered nearly against her lips, which drove her crazy. "What have we done, Snow?"

She didn't know and quite frankly, she didn't care either. All she could care about now was the close proximity of his body to hers that was yet, too far away. She could only feel this, breathe his smell in through the nose, feel herself being intoxicated by the heady masculinity of him mixed with the delicate cologne that fitted his person so well. The touch of his skin against her own. His chest raising and falling rapidly. The body hiding inside those black clothes that she so desperately wanted to see and explore and feel and…

She was so screwed. And probably, so was her future.

* * *

_Now_

She knew it was horribly wrong of her to pretend to be sleeping in, in the morning so she wouldn't have to face Barry. But then again, if she had to, what would she even say to him? How would she even explain herself being so out of it all? She was more than confused. She was freaking out, not knowing what was awaiting her at her job this day and dealing with Barry would be a little too much on top of it all. The worst part was that he never found out about her and Harry. All this time they'd been friends in college and then afterwards when years later she actually agreed to date him and see if they might be more, all this time he had _no idea_. He didn't know that the very reason to why she finally caved and went out with him was that she couldn't seem to forget her first love no matter how hard she tried and despite hiding it well – Cisco and Barry might've not been as perceptive, but they would've noticed if she'd suddenly fallen into depression – she was dying inside. She just figured since she would never find another man that she could love this much again, she could as well settle for the one she knew best and could actually share her life with. Barry knew how to make her laugh when she was sad, he knew what she liked, he just knew _her_. Well, not counting a small period of her life, but then again, why would she tell him? That news would break him. Wells was always his favorite teacher and he was so down when the man left. She never confessed the reason to his leaving, though. She never even brought his name up again in fear Barry might want to talk about the older scientist and actually follow his career. She was glad that he didn't in the end. Maybe everyone grew out of their idols, she decided. And she simply didn't because Wells wasn't just an idol to her. In fact, he was never one. He was a real man whom she loved with all of her heart, a man she'd let into her body and soul, a man whose flesh she knew as well as her own. There had been no barriers, no secrets between them once. She knew who he was in the classroom, what role he played there and she also knew what he was like in bed. She knew the noises he made when he climaxed, those sounds still haunting her sometimes. She could still remember the special way he held her just because it was _him_ and it felt so much different, so much more real. She remembered how he smelt and how he kissed her and…

If she didn't stop thinking about him, she would actually be late her first day at work. And she was working for _him_. Just great!

* * *

Caitlin expected everything from her first day, but not _this_.

The moment Wells's secretary saw her, she smiled at her brightly, treating her like a queen, as though Harrison himself had already spread the word of how great a scientist Snow was. In fact, it confounded her a little if she were to be honest.

Next thing she knew, Harry left his office, dressed up in his work suit and wearing his professional expression. It was just when he led her into some lab near his office, explaining that his own laboratory was actually adjacent to this one that she understood what he meant. And she could just stare at him with her eyes widely opened, still not over seeing him again and having him this close on top of it all.

"Wait…" she said just then, "you're giving me my _own lab_?" she had to ask and he actually confirmed as though it was nothing.

"You deserve it, Snow," he just told her, seeming surprised. "What the hell the Mercury Labs did to you that you suddenly think so low of yourself? You're brilliant. You deserve all the best. You were wasting away there and now you finally have a chance to shine. And if you ask me, it's late already."

"Oh, come on, I haven't even done anything here yet! I can't just accept this," she still protested, for now forgetting about the effect he still had on her and just being plain shocked with what he was offering.

"But you have done a lot during those ten years we were apart, so you will get a full funding to anything you want to work on here. And before you ask this question, no, this isn't because of our history. This is because I know you and I know you will achieve wonders, Caitlin Snow."

She really had to try hard to stop herself from crying, because the truth was that she didn't want any of it. She didn't want his grant or her own lab. All she'd ever wanted was just him to be hers. She couldn't tell him that, though since she didn't know where she even stood, the life she'd built so far already crumbling to pieces around her. If she were to be honest, she wasn't sure whether there'd be anything left to pick after _this_.

"You have to do something for me first, though," she then heard him finish as he was completely oblivious to what was happening inside her.

She hadn't been this cold and detached once. Him leaving her life had done this to her. She was forced to learn to hide her own emotions, her feelings, because she didn't want her friends to know.

"And… what is that?" she asked and her voice finally betrayed her. She truly didn't have the strength to look him in the eye now, choosing to stare at her own lab. She wouldn't even oppose him anymore. She was simply powerless to do so.

"You've probably heard that S.T.A.R. Labs built a particle accelerator," he mentioned.

"Yeah, but it never went online since no one could figure it out."

"I did."

Once he said that, reminding her of how arrogant he could actually be, she looked up into his fair blue eyes, doing her best not to get lost in them because she knew damn well she might not come back from it. There were more lines on his face and some of them actually deepened, she just now realized as she already let herself study his face closer. It did nothing to diminish the way he looked. If so, he was even more handsome, even more rough and she always loved that about him. The eyes, though, they stayed the same. They seemed to be the one constant and now that constant somehow kept her in check instead of causing her to fall apart.

"You did?" she asked nearly breathlessly.

"Not all the way, unfortunately," he admitted. "That's why I need you. You can help me figure out what I keep doing wrong. Maybe if I was doing this ten years ago, Snow, I wouldn't mind the few percent. Maybe then I wouldn't mind that I might end up hurting people around me and exposing this city to danger, but not anymore. I don't want anyone to get hurt and therefore I need to be one hundred percent sure the accelerator won't explode."

"Well, I'm not exactly an engineer," Snow reminded him. "So I really don't think I can help…"

"No, you're not," he agreed with a nod, "but you are brilliant and resourceful. If anyone can help me lower the potential danger down to zero, it's you, Snow. After all, we always worked well together, didn't we?"

Yep, she was pretty much right. Her life was going to fall into pieces she wouldn't be able to pick back up this time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new HOT chap for everyone who wanted me to update the Lessons… Apparently, this small side fic is your favorite:D But ya know what? I have a soft spot for it either and have all the twists and turns already figured out and boy, are they good!

The next few days were really hard on Caitlin and quite frankly, they felt so surreal that she started thinking she might be dreaming. Not that it was a very good dream or _that kind_ of a dream, neither it was a nightmare, but still… working for Harrison Wells after being so sure that she was never going to see him again was taking its toll on her. She hadn't even been talking to him all that much those last few days, just settling in her lab and forcing herself to try and figure out a project that he might want to fund. He did say it didn't matter and that he trusted her, but once she actually had this opportunity, she had to come up with something brilliant. The problem was that she seemed to suffer from some kind of a block, completely unable to focus on her work, just coming back to Wells in her thoughts and then to Barry. Her relationship with the later had been strained even before Harry came into the picture and now it just got worse. In fact, she kept on avoiding her 'boyfriend' since she had no idea what to say to him just yet. Honestly, she had no idea what it was she truly _wanted_ from life and maybe that was the worst. She knew that sooner or later she would have to tell Barry the whole truth and that wouldn't be pleasant. She actually expected him to walk out on her because despite his good heart and the ability to understand, this was just a little bit too much.

Here she was again, sitting in her lab till night hours, having already settled in, but in the same time having no idea what to do next. She really should pick up all the data Harrison had given her on the particle accelerator since that seemed to be his priority. Well, she thought about him all right; the thing was that it had nothing to do with actual _work._ Eventually, she gave up, accessed the net and typed his name in the search engine, finally being brave enough to find out what he'd been doing for the last ten years.

What she read actually surprised her. There were no illicit rumors, no mention of what had happened in college and all she could find about his personal relationships was just his marital status that said _single._ Apparently, he'd given an interview shortly after leaving the university, saying that he abandoned his academic career because it wasn't fulfilling enough for him. Before he took over S.T.A.R. Labs, he'd been travelling all over the world, working briefly in various scientific labs.

Well, that wasn't so bad, Caitlin breathed out with relief. It was actually good news and she couldn't be happier that his reputation remained intact.

Her phone beeped, so she picked it up, readying herself for reading the text that probably came from Barry and being surprised that it was from Harrison. He wanted to meet her the next day in the particle accelerator room and see what she found in the data he'd given her.

Now she really had to get down to studying it.

* * *

Needles to say, Snow wasn't exactly a hundred percent the next day since she hadn't even gone home the night before, settling for sending Barry, yet, another disappointing text about how she was gonna pull an all-nighter, studying the particle accelerator notes. In the morning, she took a shower in the Labs – luckily, it provided some rooms and bathrooms for employees who, just like her, refused to stop working on a project – grabbed a change of clothes she'd brought along with her stuff the first day and headed to meet Harry.

He welcomed her with a smile and a cup of coffee which she accepted eagerly, almost burning her tongue with the hot liquid.

"Careful there," he warned her, chuckling softly and she actually remembered him as the usually closed-off guy who rarely broke into laugh. During the numerous classes she'd had with him, it only happened once or twice and in her company it actually happened all the time. She missed this. She just missed… _him_. "Do I have something on my face?" he eventually asked and just then she realized she was staring at him. Her cheeks immediately burnt crimson – another thing that hadn't happened to her in many years – and she came back to slowly sipping her coffee. "Or maybe you're just now realizing how old I got?" he teased then to unload the tension.

She didn't laugh at his joke. Because how was she supposed to tell him that actually wasn't true and if he seemed older, he aged _well_? How was she supposed to tell him that she liked the way he looked now even more than _then_.

He saw that she didn't really feel like small talk, so he began asking her various questions about the accelerator to which she eagerly gave him her answers and opinions, in the end admitting she had no idea what could be wrong and how they could fix it, but she promised to keep on looking.

"It's ok, Snow," he told her then, taking a closer look at her face and noticing how tired she actually was. She still was beyond beautiful, though. "It's not exactly life and death situation here, so you can rest for a while. I'm sure you'll think better once you've done just that."

 _Or not_ , she thought, biting on her lip. Because even when rested, she would still be obsessively thinking about the mess that was her life now. She immediately caught his eyes trailing down to her mouth, so she released her lip from between her teeth. Damn it, was he just gonna stand there and torture her?! She thought. What was his agenda anyway? Then again, it wasn't like she was brave enough to actually _ask_.

Instead, she queried, "Was the reason to why you quitted your academic career really the lack of satisfaction?"

He blinked and then he looked at her in surprise. "I see you have finally googled me."

"So, was that true?" she prompted.

"Actually, yeah," he admitted when sticking his hands into the pockets of his pants. "I was sick of teaching anyway, but what happened made the decision itself that much easier."

"Um… the… rumors, you mean?"

"Well, actually, it was more than that," he confessed and she shot him a truly surprised look.

"What do you mean?" she wanted to know. "There was never any case against you. I couldn't even find any mention of you possibly…" the words _having an affair with a student_ somehow refused to leave her mouth. It was obvious enough anyway.

He sighed, putting his hands out of his pockets and running one of them over his mouth before admitting, "Someone supposedly saw or maybe rather _heard_ something, but there was never enough evidence. I was called to see the dean as he had to address it. An accusation like this, no matter how trivial or possibly fake, had be to be checked." Caitlin could just stare at him with her mouth hanging open, still processing what she just heard while he continued, "Of course I denied it, but immediately handed in my resignation. I wanted to quit for a very long time then and maybe I would've done it earlier, but…" this time _his_ voice trailed off and she guessed the ending of that sentence – _I met you_ or _you appeared in my life._

"You never told me any of that," she finally said when the initial shock passed.

"You had enough on your plate. I just wanted to spare you. Anyway…" he cleared his throat, "who is he?" he asked.

"What?" She didn't seem to follow.

"The guy I'm gonna have to fight in order to win you back. Who is he?" he asked as idly as though he was discussing weather whereas she just stopped breathing there for a moment. Did he really just say that?! Was he really meant to…? She wasn't even over her initial shock when he pushed again, rather playfully, "Come on, spill the beans already. Who's the lucky guy?"

Did he actually think this was a game?! Snow suddenly got mad, but she did answer him eventually, "Barry."

"As an… Allen?" Wells made sure, clearly taken aback and then… he just started laughing.

"That's not funny," Snow chastised him, folding her arms over her chest, just wishing he stopped already.

"Oh, but it is!" he disagreed. "Really?! _Allen_?! That little guy who used to follow me around, wishing he were me?! Oh, wait… when I think of it now…" Finally, the smile did fade away from his face.

"That's so not cool," Caitlin said. "In fact, it's cruel. Besides, he doesn't even know."

"You never told him about us?"

"No." She shook her head.

"Ok." He just nodded in acquiescence. "I admit I was expecting someone worthy, but Allen? Caitlin, you can do so much better than Allen!"

"Like you?" she asked out of spite, her voice suddenly full of venom. "You know what, Harry? Barry is actually sweet and reliable and he has a good heart. He's the best choice I could ever make." She didn't really think so, but she still said it just to inflict him some pain. Because who did he think he was just stepping back into her life like this and dismantling it all over again without even trying hard?!

"The best or the one you actually wanted to make?" he asked then to her astonishment, not at all affected by what she just told him. The worst part was that she could see the wisdom behind his words.

She didn't say anything to that and suddenly noticed him coming closer. Next thing she knew, his hand was placed on her face. His eyes were boring into hers and she found herself completely mesmerized by the clear blue in his. Like the sky in the most beautiful day. Or the clearest stream. And what more, they actually seemed to darken under the power of her own stare. She remembered how she watched those eyes and marveled at the change in their shade whenever he was excited or just near her, wanting to… Oh, wait…

It was too late because he was already leaning forward and before she managed to react any way or maybe push him away – honestly, though, she knew she wouldn't even if it killed her – he was kissing her.

They both knew there was no escape from this, that this was inevitable from the moment they'd seen each other after so many years of being apart. It wasn't a question of if, but of _when_.

What came as a surprise to her was that his kiss wasn't demanding or fierce like the first they'd ever shared. It was actually gentle and sweet and… she couldn't possibly escape. Everything at once hit her – his close proximity, the familiar smell of him, the hear coming off of his body, the intensity and the touch of his lips – so idle and yet so electric that her whole body was set on fire at instance. In fact, she felt like she was melting down and all that existed was him kissing her. She couldn't even remember how to breath anymore when she felt him open his mouth and his tongue slid along her lower lip, parting it before going inside, deepening the kiss. Once that happened, she moved forward, desperate to feel more of him, to press her body into his, to feel his arms go around her and suddenly, she could breathe again – because all she breathed in was _him_.

"Like you were never gone…" she just realized she actually said those words aloud when she felt the kiss stop. She totally just whispered that against his lips. It also seemed to wake her up and she jumped away from him, her hands going up to cover her mouth as though she knew she did something very, very bad.

Before he managed to say something to that or react in any way, she ran away from the room, needing to put some distance between them because otherwise she wouldn't be held accountable for what would happen.

Because that kiss was everything she could ever need, everything she'd ever dreamt of. It was as though after ten years of being the Sleeping Beauty, her prince finally found her again and woke her up from a long dream.

* * *

Caitlin was dreaming of Harrison's lips, of all their times together… the way they'd used to be, how easy things had seemed despite all the obstacles and how foolish she'd been to actually look into the future with hope…

A moan escaped her lips and… she opened her eyes, waking up.

There was a hand just now running down her stomach.

She suddenly realized who she was and who it was on the other side of the bed.

She reacted before she could even think about it. It was purely instinctual and once she did that, there was nothing she could to undo it, to take it back or even try and explain.

"Don't touch me!" she just screamed, getting out of bed so fast that she stumbled and landed on the floor.

One she did look up, she saw stunned Barry still on the bed.

"Cait… what's wrong?" he eventually asked, his voice nearly breaking. And of course it did because he had no way of knowing what had been recently happening inside of her mind and body. He had no idea what she'd been going through because she'd never told him the truth. Maybe if she'd had once, things would've been so different now.

Not that it mattered anymore. She just couldn't face him at the moment. She couldn't break his heart and watch it all over his face as it shattered to pieces. She just ran to the bathroom and locked herself up in there.

* * *

_Ten Years Ago_

If only it stopped on the first kiss. If only they were smarter and decided it was foolish to start anything.

Only it didn't and they didn't either.

Harrison couldn't stop thinking about Caitlin once they parted and when they met again, they clashed together so naturally that there was even no point in denying what they felt or trying to stop it from happening.

The door to his office was locked and they started kissing again, his hands roaming all over her body, running down her back and cupping her buttocks before going to the front and gently squeezing her breasts. His ministrations, his tongue tantalizing her own and then his lips trailing a path to her neck and sucking on her pulse while his hands were in all various places on her body… it was all making her so crazy with desire that she thought she would explode if he didn't do more and soon. She was on fire, not even remembering her own name, age or college status. Not caring that she was kissing a teacher and would soon give herself over to him completely. She only cared about _him_ and having him in every way possible. She was so ready to finally take _that_ step and what better man to do it with than someone she actually cared for so much, was falling in love with; someone who was experienced, therefore would make sure it was good for her? She didn't want a young student fumbling with everything and in the end causing her more pain than pleasure. She didn't want him to just take and give nothing back. She wanted someone that would be equally interested in pleasing her as well as himself. And that person was Harrison Wells.

Her hands shook when she finally slid them under his black sweater – he always wore casual clothes in class unless some important event required him to dress to impress – and felt his abdomen muscles taut and hard and so deliciously outlined she just wished to see his chest already. She felt a little braver when his own hands rid of her blouse and she was standing right in front of him only in her bra. She finally lifted that sweater and he raised his hands to make it easier to her, revealing a sight that caused her mouth to salivate. He was just perfect. She had nothing else to add, no other word to describe him with. When he cupped her face and looked her in the eye before kissing her again, the muscles on his arms did not miss her attention and she wanted to run her hands over them. In fact, she wanted to touch every single part of his body and never stop.

As he was kissing her, she felt him undoing the clasp of her bra and the piece of lacy fabric fell to the floor, immediately being replaced by his hands that massaged her breasts before his thumbs started to tease the poking nipples. His hands were then on her hips and he lifted her up, carrying her over to his desk on which he sat her before trailing a path with his lips from her mouth to her neck and then even lower to her breasts as he sucked on her nipple before proceeding to the second.

Her breathing was erratic, soft moans escaping her lips. She didn't even realize when her legs went around his waist, pulling him in, closing him in that vise and then she felt _it._ He was hard and therefore so, so ready for her. She was ready for him, too, but still, she was a little afraid. He quickly reminded her that that was just ridiculous when he kissed her again, bringing her body closer and savoring that kiss, making her feel cherished and loved, making her feel like something more than just a body to be fucked. He was making her his forever and she was sure she made the right decision. She'd been sure of it long before today happened.

As he gently started removing the lower pieces of her garments, sliding his hands over her long legs, stopping just inches from her panties; she gathered up enough of her courage to reach for his belt, hearing it click loudly when she undid it and then dealt with the button of his pants. Her heart was beating so hard in her chest that for the moment it was all she could hear. Still, somehow she could tell that his breath hitched when she accidentally grazed over him with her hands while opening his fly. His arms were around her, his face in the crook of her neck, his hands just conquering the barrier of her panties, so she couldn't see his face, but she could feel his whole body still when she finally grasped him, enjoying the hard texture of him, discovering that what she felt underneath her fingers was just skin. But it was _him_. In fact, she was just now holding the most intimate part of him, feeling brave and out of the sudden abandoning all her fears. Whatever she was doing, it was bringing him pleasure, so that was enough. She was satisfied with that turn of events. And she would only go on.

It took him a moment to recover and be able to finally move. He did remove her hands from his shaft, though, murmuring under his breath that he would lose it too fast like this and needed to pleasure her some more first. She kind of felt disappointed, but the fact that such a mature man was in danger of losing it because of _her,_ did wonders to her stomach and her self esteem.

So she let him took her panties off, revealing her body to his eyes in all its naked glory as her legs were still wound around his waist, spread open. He brought her closer again immediately, his length getting trapped between their bodies, grazing against her stomach as he put his arms around her, kissing her deeply and pleasuring her when dipping two fingers inside her. Her body shook, living through the first orgasm he'd given her way too fast. Then again, she was already on the verge of it just by being this close to him, by discovering how it was to feel his bare skin against her own, to share his breath, his sweat, his body, just _everything_. It was all too much at once and she couldn't even focus on one of those things at a time, all of them creating an explosive mix of sensations.

He moved away, watching her carefully and she finally got a chance to look at his body from up close. His perfect chest was connected to his equally perfect lower parts, a tantalizing v line running down the sides of his abdomen, almost meeting around his hard, big and proud shaft.

"Snow," she then heard his hoarse voice and her heart fluttered at the sound of it. Only when she actually met his eyes, now darkened by the desire he felt for her, she frowned. He was actually hesitant, looking at her and squinting his eyes a little as though trying to assess something. "Have you…?" he eventually asked, his voice trailing off.

Damn it, he could tell, she felt mortified when she realized that. She didn't know what exactly it was that caused him to realize this was going to be her first time with a man, but it must've been something. Maybe she was still shaking a little. She didn't know. In the end, the lack of experience was clear to him.

"No. You'll be the first," she answered according to the truth because what good lying to him would do to her? He would know anyway once inside her, wouldn't he?

His reaction, though, was completely different from what she expected. In fact, his body tensed up and she could actually notice him harden even more. Truth be told, she didn't know that was even possible in this stage. Then she realized that the fact that he was going to be the first actually e _xcited_ him. He wouldn't back out, he would go all the way with her and he would be happy about it. Good, because she would, too.

"You won't mind?" he still asked.

"I'm here, aren't I?"

And just like that, after mumbling something about protection and finding out she got that covered; he kissed her again, his fingers teasing her nipples before sliding down her sides to grab her thighs and then to the front to rub her _down_ there, discovering she was so, so ready for him. In fact, she'd been for a while.

"Harry, now," she whispered into his ear before gently biting on the lobe.

He didn't wait for more of an invitation, already at her entrance. She thought she would die when she felt him there and it was so, _so good_. He pushed inside slowly, gently, his lips kissing hers as he was doing so, stopping at the barrier before pushing further in and finding himself right _there_ , buried all the way. At first it was heaven to feel him slide inside and then it stung a little. There was no actual pain, but the stinging remained for a few seconds before it begun to recede. She figured the reason to why it went so well for her was that she desired this man so much that she must've opened completely for him. What more, she trusted him as well, therefore she didn't tense up. She was completely relaxed, just wanting him to be there already, to mark her as his and vice versa.

"Ok?" he still asked before retreating.

"Yeah," she gasped, holding onto him, her arms around his neck, her whole body pressed into his own and him inside her as he pushed in again. It stung a little one more time, but it also felt so, so good for her. As he begun to move, at first slow, then speeding up a little since he saw that she wanted him to; she was overcame with all the different stimuli, feeling so much at once that she was certainly going to explode and so powerfully that it might obliterate her completely, she thought.

Yet, the most fascinating and equally stimulating was seeing his reactions and actually hearing them. He was barely holding on, completely out of control as he was making love to her on that damned desk. She couldn't describe it any other way. It wasn't just fucking. He was gentle and passionate and was doing his best to make it good for her and it was. It so fucking was as she moaned and kept on calling his name, still holding onto him, never intending to let him go. In fact, she never wanted to live without him. In the end, he sped up and his movements became hard and straight to the point, but she didn't mind anymore. The stinging was all gone and all that remained was the delicious building to a climax with him. And it happened. She did orgasm, feeling it so powerfully that it shook her entire being and rendered her unable to feel anything else but him, making her feel light as a feather, as though she didn't even have a body anymore. She just had _him_.

What followed was Harrison speeding up even more and releasing such a powerful groan of pleasure and fulfillment that she had the strangest thought that maybe she shouldn't be privy to even hearing it. It seemed too intimate and so out of control, so not from this world. With one final trust, he one more time groaned deeply in his throat, a sound of the biggest pleasure there could be and he froze before releasing himself inside of her…

And it was just the beginning, she thought when he finally raised his head from the crook of her neck, retreating his now stained with blood length from within her, his eyes meeting hers, his curls plastered to his sweaty forehead.

* * *

_Now_

He never looked more vulnerable and intimate to her than in those moments right _after_ , she thought when on her way to work going over their first time together in her head. And those after. They'd been doing it on his couch, on his desk, in his apartment... Fucking instead of preparing for the class. Then making love for a change. And fucking all over again.

He'd used to be hers and she'd used to be his. Before everything went to hell, that was.

And now she was on her way to meet him again after those ten years and one kiss shared the day before.

She wouldn't waste this chance the second time around because damn it, she wanted _him_. She always had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I feel like I borrowed or stole a line from brokenbookaddict's story – not a question of if but of when, but… what was it Harry said in some other story of yours? Words don't belong to you? Haha. I just really, really needed to use that sentence and I hope you don't mind.


	4. Chapter 4

She really wanted to just go straight to him and make him hers again, but somehow on her way she lost all that courage and instead of meeting him at the accelerator, she ended up in her lab. For a while she pretended to actually look into her research notes and work, but eventually she just gave up, hiding her face in her hands and sighing deeply when sitting by her desk.

That was how Harrison found her.

"I thought we had a meeting," he just said idly when leaning against the door frame.

He surprised her so much that she jumped in her seat before getting to her feet and facing him. She opened her mouth, but she truly didn't know what to even say to him. All she could do was to stare. Stare at his beautiful eyes, the face she remembered so well and loved, the messy curls she loved to run her fingers through, this body dressed in black jeans and a matching sweater. He never liked suits. He only wore them when he absolutely had to like to a social event back at the university and now probably during his business meetings. Was she one of those meetings when she'd first come to see him? He'd had a suit on then…

"Snow?" he asked patiently when she still didn't say anything. In the end, he notice her swallow and then she turned her eyes away. "Snow?" he called her name one more time before walking inside the room, closing the door behind him and making his way to her.

"What are we doing, Harry?" she finally asked, her voice rather hoarse. "Is this some kind of a game to you?" she finally dared ask. "Because if it is, I'm sick of it. I can't stand it. I…"

"Shush," he uttered gently when cupping her face and locking his eyes with hers. "This isn't a game. Never was. This is real," he assured her before leaning forward and capturing her lips in another sweet kiss that once again began melting her down.

She believed him. She had no other choice but to believe him and give in. She was too weak and couldn't fight this anymore. Then again, why would she even try? He was her first, the love of her life, her _everything._

The kisses grew stronger, deeper and Caitlin put her arms around his neck, bringing his body closer, tasting him and just wanting to be one with him; a soft delicious moan escaping her lips and causing him to go hard all the way, to just want to bury himself inside her again and never let her go. It'd been way too long. He was truly everything she could ever need and she was done thinking. Now it was the time for actions. They'd wasted enough of it and even if this was going to break her, she wouldn't have it any other way. She would not have regrets this time.

Their hands worked on their own as various pieces of clothing began falling to the floor and then Harrison placed her on her desk, evoking memories of their first time together, memories that were just too much for Cait as she wound her legs around his waist, bringing him as close as possible, running her hands down his back to cup his buttocks and then going to the front to explore his chest that despite the time passing hadn't changed all that much. In fact, to her he hadn't changed at all and she was eager to rediscover every single part of his flesh with both her hands and lips and… she grasped him, stroking him gently, feeling him groan deeply in his throat before raising his head from where he sucked on her breast to meet her eyes. The desire she saw there, the need and most importantly, _love,_ undid her completely and all she could do was to invite him in, guide him inside with her hand and put her arms around him again as he buried himself in deeply with another heavy groan. She couldn't even tell what it was exactly that he was calling out. It must've been her name mixed with _oh, my God_ and _oh, yes_ , but then she didn't care, just being there with him, feeling him and listening to his responses.

The peak they reached together – though far too soon when being too hungry for each other – leveled her down completely, reminding her of how good it could be, how wonderful the act of sex could be when love entered the equation. Because she'd never loved anyone else in her entire life but this man, consequences be damned. This was just who she was and who he was and they were best when together.

In the end, they found themselves lying on the brand new carpet on the floor right next to her desk, breathing heavily, trying to calm their heartbeats.

"It's not just about sex, is it?" Snow eventually asked, somehow scared to look at him even though she really, really wanted to put her hands all over his body and rediscover every nook and cranny.

"It never was," he simply answered when turning his head to meet her eyes and she just had to look into those radiant blues.

"What are we gonna do, Harry?"

"I don't know," he told her honestly when lifting his hand and running it through his hair, eventually putting it behind his head to make himself more comfortable. "This... relationship… will be… controversial at best."

"Because of the age gap that's always been hanging over us or me working for you?"

"Both? I don't know. But maybe in the end it'll be the latter. We live in a world when twenty year olds marry eighty year olds for money," he tried joking and she did actually laugh at that.

"It's not _that_ bad and I couldn't care less about your money."

"I know," he assured her, turning to the side to face her, his eyes now trailing down her gorgeous body.

"I need to break up with Barry, don't I?"

"Why are you asking me this?" He frowned.

"I don't know. I guess I should've meant it as a statement… Harry, it's just… you broke my heart."

"I thought we did that to each other," he reminded her patiently, reaching his hand to her face and stroking her cheek before putting her hair behind her ear.

"Ah, you're right," she sighed, laying heavily on her back and staring at the ceiling. "And now it just feels like we've wasted so much precious time. And I've already built a life for myself."

"Are you satisfied with that life?" he wanted to know.

She looked back at him and he didn't need an answer anymore. He could see it all in her eyes. She wasn't. Not even close.

"Thought so," he whispered then. "I want you, Snow. I have _always_ wanted you," he added when raising his voice to a normal tone. "Who knows, maybe leaving you behind was the biggest mistake of my life. I guess it's up to you now to do what you want."

"I thought we left each other," she reminded him before sitting up. "I want this," she admitted then when pushing him back on his back and straddling him, seeing that he already reacted to her actions, getting hard. "And I know I have to break up with Barry right away. It's just not fair for the both of us. A part of me knew that the moment you marched right back into my life."

"First of all, please, do not mention Allen when we're about to have sex again and second of all," he started when raising his hands and placing them on her arms, " _You_ marched into mine."

She rolled her eyes at that playfully before agreeing on, "We marched into each other's lives."

Before he could agree with that or not, she cupped his face and kissed him passionately.

"Is this even common with men your age?" she asked against his lips when she reached down to guide him back inside her.

"Now you've just offended me," he complained and groaned immediately after when feeling her channel around his shaft.

"I am a biochemist with three doctorates and a PhD, after all," she reminded him when starting to move over him.

"Then the answer is that it's just _you_ , Snow. What you're doing to me."

"It's a good answer."

* * *

Coming back home that day was the hardest thing that Snow had ever had to do. Well, maybe right after actually having to tell Barry the truth, that was. And maybe breaking up with Wells all those years ago.

She wanted to prolong this moment for as long as possible, taking her time looking for a key when the door just swung open, revealing Barry and surprising her completely when she looked up at him with her mouth hanging open.

"Hi," he just said.

"Um… hi?" she said right back before walking inside. She could already feel herself getting sick. How was she supposed to do this? She'd never actually broken anyone's heart before when not counting Harrison's, but they agreed they'd done that to each other. Only back then she'd suffered, too and somehow inflicting so much pain without hurting as well felt wrong. Because in the end she would be free to be with Harry and Barry would be left broken. That so was not fair. But then again, what in life was? People did stupid stuff, made mistakes. They screwed up all the time and neither she nor even Harry or Barry were exception to that rule.

"We need to talk," they actually said in the same time and there was awkward silence.

"Um… you first?" Barry eventually offered when walking into their living room and sitting down on their couch.

Caitlin followed him, trying to find the right words to say, trying to come up with the most painless way to relay all the information to him, but she couldn't seem to.

"Barry…" she eventually started and couldn't finish, just falling into a chair.

"You're breaking up with me, aren't you?" he suddenly asked and she had to look up at him.

"I… How… How did you…?"

"Oh, please, things have been bad between us for a very long time now," he told her and then sighed heavily. She could see that his hands shook a little when he brought them to his face to rub at his eyes. "I just… I guess I want to know where I made a mistake, Cait."

"Oh, God," she groaned. "Barry… It's… It's not anything you did or say," she told him when looking at him bravely and hating the sadness and pain she was causing him. After all, he was her best friend and he'd been just that long before they even got together. Somehow that friendship was, yet, lost between them and it was the one thing she actually found herself missing. "You were actually pretty perfect. It was all me."

"Oh, please, just don't give me this crap _it's not you, it's me_ ," he said in exasperation. "I want the truth. I think we owe each other this much."

"But it is the truth," she argued, looking aside, trying to gather up the words she was gonna say to him next. "Look…" she only sighed, not knowing how to put this.

"Is there someone else?" he asked and she looked right back at him in surprise again because he got it right this time as well.

"Actually… yeah," she finally admitted and saw the pain reflected on his face. Damn it. Why did it have to be so hard? "And… Barry, I know I need to be honest with you here, but I just… I really don't want to cause you any more pain and I'm afraid once I say what you need to know, it will only get worse."

"Shoot," he encouraged. "Just rip off the band aid already. I can take it."

"It's Harrison Wells," she said quickly and the stunned look on his face wiped the pain clear. Now he was shocked instead.

"What? But… Wait…" He thought about it for a moment and then exclaimed, "Oh, my God!" He covered his face with his hands, stood up and started pacing around the room, his body actually shaking. "That was _you_?!" he eventually asked and Caitlin was just confused.

"Um… What are you…?"

"The rumors! The rumors because of which he left all those years ago! That was actually _you_?!" Barry was looking at her as though he saw her for the very first time and quite frankly, she didn't like that at all. "I can't believe this! I… I feel sick…"

"Barry." She stood up, calling his name, but he pushed her away and walked straight to the door. "Barry!"

He was gone. The doom slammed. And she had a pretty good idea of where he was going.

* * *

_Ten Years Ago_

They just couldn't keep their hands off of each other, the last few weeks filled with having sex just about anywhere and it was so good Caitlin never wanted it to stop. Just now she was doing something outrageous, but it, again, felt so good and exciting for the both of them that they simply didn't care. In fact, the thrill of it all somehow clouded their judgment.

She was under Harrison's desk, completely invisible from the outside, just sucking him off and rendering him unable to mark the papers he was currently reading.

And then there was a sudden knock on the door and before Harry could respond and say he was busy, the door opened, showing Barry.

"Allen," Harrison said, barely stifling a moan that threatened to escape his lips at Caitlin's ministrations under the desk. Damn it, she would kill him one day. Now both him and her stilled, not knowing how to act and what to do.

"Hi, dr. Wells, I just wanted to ask you something," Barry said when coming in and being completely oblivious to what was happening under the desk. "I mean, I know I already handed over my paper, but I wanted to ask a few things. I'm worried I got them all wrong and…"

"Allen," Harry sighed heavily in frustration, trying to keep himself together. He could hear Snow breath directly on his crotch and he could barely hold himself together. "I can't give you that paper back now."

"I know. I know that, dr. Wells, I just…"

"I haven't even managed to read it over, so why don't you wait until I do just that and then, if what you're saying it's true and that there is, indeed, something wrong, we could work on it together. What do you say?"

Few more questions answered later, Barry finally left the office, apologizing profusely before closing the door.

"Oh, my God," Snow said under the desk.

"Indeed," Harrison agreed, the tension finally leaving him. "You forgot to lock the door."

"You could've done that," she retaliated and then surprised him when coming back to sucking him off, earning a satisfying groan from his lips.

"You're checking my stamina, Snow?" he asked. "Or my heart? Because when Barry came in, I could've gotten an actual heart attack."

"You're perfectly healthy," she dismissed all of that and finished him off, actually chuckling under her breath.

"Ye… oh, yes… yeah," he tried to say something as he started coming. "Go ahead and laugh," he finally told her, "I just wish to see this situation in reverse."

"Wanna see how long I can hold on without screaming your name?" she asked when finally coming out from under the table.

"Oh, yes. I do. It's a deal." His eyes shone. "And it's a grave you dug yourself, Snow."

* * *

_Now_

Harrison looked up from his papers in surprise when the door to his office suddenly burst open, showing Barry Allen.

"Allen," he said when he saw the guy, already prepared for this confrontation and just because of that, he could remain cool now as he stood up and walked out from his desk.

"You!" Allen just pointed his finger at him.

In that moment Wells's secretary showed up in the door, apologizing to him profusely that she couldn't seem to stop the intruder.

"It's fine, Gretchen, just leave us alone and close the door," he dismissed her, sticking his hands into the pockets of his pants and looking at Allen expectantly. The younger man was beyond furious, his face all red.

"I can't believe this!" he finally erupted, screaming at Wells. "How could you use her like that?!"

"I have done no such a thing," Harrison calmly answered. "Whatever happened was completely mutual. She was a grown person and therefore capable of making her own decisions."

"She was barely twenty years old and you were… you…" Barry came to a stop, disgust clear on his face. In fact, just _that_ now got to Harrison. It wasn't the angriness or the rage, it was _this_.

In the end, he felt hurt and wanted to hurt Allen right back, so he said, "You remember that one time you came into my office for a consultation? About the paper you were so worried about and which in the end was actually perfect?" he asked. "She was right there under my desk with her mouth all over me. And I'm not even kidding."

He finally did it. He broke his opponent and Allen just now got to him, grabbed him and pushed him against the wall.

In that moment, the door to the office opened again, showing Caitlin.

"Oh, my God!" she called out, a look of horror on her face. "Barry, please, let him go!"

He did listen, just now realizing what he was about to do and that it really wasn't him. He didn't go around throwing people at walls or punching them. He did confess something, though, because it seemed the safest way to hurt them both, "And you know what?" he asked Harrison. "Remember that student-teacher basketball game? Afterwards I wanted to actually find you and congratulate you because surprise, surprise, you were whom I always looked up to. You know, I was outside the door when I heard you. I didn't know who it was in there with you, but I was convinced it was a female student."

There was sudden silence when both Wells and Snow were processing that information.

Eventually, Caitlin asked in a voice so unlike her own that she thought it must've come from a stranger, "That was you? _You_ started the… the rumors?" She was looking at Barry, completely mortified about what she just heard and she didn't see a sweet guy with a good heart anymore. She actually saw a monster.

"It was the right thing to do! There are rules!" Barry still argued and Harrison was just this silent presence in the room, still processing. "You, guys, make me sick!" Allen then added and walked right past Cait in the door, leaving.

And it was all so obvious now to why he stopped idolizing dr. Wells in college, she actually realized, bringing a hand to her mouth to cover it. It was so clear to her why Barry refused to even bring the man up in a conversation afterwards. And it was so convenient to her that she didn't even notice it being weird. Now she knew the answer to why and she felt betrayed. Betrayed by her best friend, the man who actually claimed to love her and who in the end ruined her life.

She couldn't stand this. She wasn't even able to face Harry now, so she turned around and left, hearing Wells calling her name, but she didn't stop. She needed to be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you see this coming? Anyway, I thought since Barry already told on Ralph when the guy planted the fake evidence… Morality has always been a sore spot for him, hasn't it?
> 
> And to already answer the question that is bound to ensue – yes, the game scene is in the next chap!


	5. Chapter 5

_Ten Years Ago_

Caitlin was truly wondering whether there was something that Harrison couldn't do. Because so far, he excelled at everything he touched, both figuratively and literally speaking.

Like just now, playing basketball when dressed in the university colors, scoring one point after the other. In fact, he seemed to be everywhere at once and thanks to him alone, the teachers eventually won, Caitlin cheering loudly. She constantly found new things about him that she was at awe of and now there was _this_. His stamina was truly remarkable and she realized he must've been taking a very good care of his health when being so active. She could see the results all the same. She could even touch them every time her hands were on his body.

Now, that the game was over, she heard the boys saying something about an after party for the students, although there was really nothing to celebrate. Still, they had a solid reason to take to drinking that night since they lost and were in need of some pick-me-up. Well, _they_ lost, Snow thought when watching Wells lingering on the field, accepting congratulations from various faculty members. She bit on her lip, deciding she'd much rather celebrate with him, especially now that he looked so deliciously spent after the game.

"Cait, you going?" Cisco asked as they were leaving the tribunes with Barry and she was still sitting down.

"You know what, guys? I don't really feel all that well… I think I'll just head home."

"What? No! You can't miss this!" Barry protested, a look of disappointment clear on his face.

"Sorry. Count me out," she said and walked right past them, directing herself to the exit. Now, she just had to find Harry.

She followed him straight into one of the faculty's bathrooms and slipped inside after him before he managed to lock the door.

He seemed surprised when she suddenly reached for him and pushed him against the wall, capturing his lips in a heated kids whereas her hands slipped under his jersey and ran up his chest that was slick with sweat.

He kissed her back eagerly, but eventually he managed to pull away, breathing heavily. "I think I need a shower first, Snow," he told her just then, surprised that her hands were still all over his body.

"No, you don't," she said and shut his mouth with another kiss, pulling the jersey up and then over his head, taking her lips off of his to get rid of it before meeting them again.

His tongue was immediately in her mouth, the kiss deep and brave and needy. She could also already feel him hard. Very hard, indeed, she discovered in satisfaction when she stuck her hand into his shorts and then got rid of that part of his clothing as well.

"That's not fair," he decided, cupping her face and looking her in the eye.

"And why is that?" she asked.

"Because I'm the only one naked."

He quickly grabbed her and swirled them around so she was the one with her back against the wall now. His skilful hands quickly undressed her before he resumed kissing her while pressing his body into hers, making her squirm with desire. He loved how responsive to his touch she always was and never wanted that to stop.

He slid inside her fast and hard, fucking her against that wall when raising her hands up and keeping them above her head with his own, one of her legs around his waist whereas the other was providing purchase for her against the tiled floor.

They reached their peak nearly together, her coming powerfully and squeezing him inside and him groaning in pleasure and freezing for a second before releasing himself inside of her.

"That was… something else," she whispered with her face buried in the crook of his neck, feeling like maybe she wouldn't be able to walk now. Her legs felt like jelly.

"Oh, yes. And it was amazing."

"Definitely."

"Ready for round two?" he asked then and she finally raised her head to look at him, checking whether he was joking.

"Are you sure you're up to this?"

"Don't offend me, Snow. Besides, you know I never do anything unless at excel at it."

"That I do know," she admitted when remembering the game he'd just won.

He pulled her towards the shower and they had sex again there, this time him taking her from the back, a position that was actually new and felt so, so fucking good, Snow decided. The only thing that she didn't like was the lack of possibility of putting her arms around him or looking into his eyes.

"You'll be the death of me, Snow," Harry told her afterwards when they were just standing embraced under the hot stream of water pouring down on them.

"I'd rather be your life," she teased, pulling away to be able to look at him. "I won't enjoy you anymore once you're dead."

He only sighed in response, suddenly thinking about their relationship and the mess their lives had become those past few weeks. Little did they both know that it was the beginning of the end because minutes before Barry Allen had been outside the door, hearing doctor Wells groan in a way that left nothing to imagination.

* * *

_Now_

Barely had Snow come back home, she already noticed that Barry had taken all of his stuff. He hadn't brought in much to begin with, just a few books and CDs along with his clothes. And all of those was gone now, his side of the closet emptied.

It wasn't like she didn't expect that, Snow thought. And she'd taken the longer way home as though she was trying to postpone the inevitable. And she'd managed. She's missed him on his way out of her life. She knew it wasn't very brave of her. In fact, it made her a coward, but she didn't have it in her anymore to face him, to even talk to him. Because he'd hurt her more than she would ever imagine he could. She knew she wasn't a saint and that technically she'd slept with Harry again when still being in a relationship with Barry. She hadn't exactly broken up with the guy _before_ she decided to have sex with Wells, but… the fact that it was Barry who'd told on Harrison all those years ago and put an end to his relationship with her, hurt too much. Snow just didn't think she'd ever be able to forgive him. She understood rules, she really did, but it was one thing to break the law or cheat on an important exam and another having an affair with her teacher. Ok, that did sound kind of bad, but the thing was that what they'd had back there had not in any way influenced their teacher-student relationship. Caitlin wouldn't want Harrison to give her a better grade just because they were sleeping together and he would never do that. She knew him all too well. Besides, he'd known better, too. She'd wanted to be graded fairly and that was it. She was always proud that way.

Now, she could try telling that to everyone around, but she knew no one would believe her.

The doorbell rang and she frowned, wondering whether it was Barry coming back. Technically, he still had a key, but he might want to give it back to her. She didn't exactly look forward to seeing him again, so she was both surprised and relieved when she actually saw Harrison standing there.

"Snow, I…" he started the moment she opened the door and just then she realized what he must've felt when she'd basically walked out on him back in the Labs. Now, without letting him finish what he was going to say, she just reached for him, grabbed the fabric of his sweater on his chest and pulled in, crashing her lips against him, having no inhibitions left and not caring about anything anymore because there was nothing else she could lose. Barry was gone. Everything was out in the open. There were just the two of them together. Forever. Preferably.

When she broke the kiss, she took his hand and led him to her bedroom and to the bed on which she pushed him before she climbed him. He didn't complain. In fact, he didn't say a word, rather busy with watching her taking her clothes off and then proceeding to undressing him as well. She made her way up his body, stroking him with her hand and watching him get hard all the way before she took him into her mouth to suck on him for a few seconds. She didn't let him come, though. She wanted that to happen inside of her.

She trailed a path with her kisses up his chest, crossing over his nipples with her tongue, then sucking on the pulse on his neck, reaching his mouth and biting on his lower lip before running her tongue over it to soothe the spot. He kissed her back and hard just then, desperate to feel more of her, desperate to touch her body and to bury himself deeply inside her.

Which she allowed him to do pretty fast when raising above him and taking him in, moaning loudly as she started to ride him. She kept on saying his name as she moved faster, seeing the devotion with which he was watching her, the blue eyes foggy from desire so powerful she wasn't sure she would ever be able to fully quench it. And good, she thought. Because she wanted to make up for the time lost. She wanted to be with him every waking hour, every moment she could. She _always_ wanted to be with him.

She felt herself coming so powerfully that it leveled her completely, ridding her of all her strength but in the same time making her feel so free and so his when she screamed his name one last time. Because even though she belonged to him and he belonged to her, she felt _free_ with him. She'd never felt that way with Barry.

She eventually fell into his arms, panting heavily into his neck, so tired, so hot, so spent.

"I swear, Harrison," she found herself saying then, "if you crash me the second time…"

"You're forgetting something," he reminded her when running his hands over her back.

"And what is that?"

"You crashed me, too."

"We crashed each other," she agreed. "And for what?" she suddenly asked when pulling away and looking him in the eye. "For damn reputation."

"Yeah, it wasn't worth it," he admitted, cupping her face, pulling her closer and kissing her again, then flipping them over until he was the one on top, now wanting to make love to her.

In fact, they fucked and then made love and fucked again all night long.

With the dawn already close, Caitlin was lying in his arms, her head placed just above his heart as she was listening to his heartbeat; his hand in her hair, stroking it gently.

* * *

_Ten Years ago_

It was remarkable that rumors could spread so fast.

One day they were just enjoying their secret relationship as always and the next Caitlin actually began hearing whispers all around about dr. Wells having an affair with one of his students, though no one knew who it was and no one officially confirmed it.

She didn't want to accept that. She just refused to believe it was true. She refused to believe that whatever they had might be over just like that because someone might've overheard something. But who? And where? They were so careful!

And then Harry actually told her in his office that he was leaving.

Snow wasn't delusional. She'd known from the moment they'd started this that one day it would come to an end and crash her completely. She just didn't think that day would arrive so soon. She needed more time. She needed more of _him_.

She started to cry the moment he began telling her of his decision.

"This is not easy for me, Snow," he sighed heavily when taking off his glasses and running his hand over his face, his voice strained, indicating he was close to breaking down as well. "But we both know that if I stay, there will be an official investigation and if they get to you… everything you've worked for so hard will be gone. This is the best school for you. Here you can get the best education and you deserve it, Snow. You're already years ahead in your studies than your peers."

"But I just want you," she dared say, wiping the tears away with a tissue.

"And I want _you_ ," he assured her, his voice getting rather shaky. "But I need to let you go. You deserve more. You deserve _better_. You deserve respect and you won't get that anywhere if your reputation is tarnished."

She understood him. She really did. She had to finish school. If she didn't, there would be nothing she could do with her life that she would truly love. And he couldn't stay. If he did, they would surely keep meeting in secret and eventually someone would see them. They were lucky enough that so far no one had identified Snow as Wells' secret lover.

Still, the last time they saw each other was the hardest thing they'd ever had and would have to go through. They couldn't even meet somewhere else or in his apartment in fear that now someone might follow, might always be watching.

In the end, they settled for a goodbye kiss and Snow could've sworn she tasted his tears in it as well. Then she just left his office, knowing she would never see him again and knowing she couldn't spend more time in there for fear someone would think she'd been there for way too long as for simple discussion over a class paper.

The following weekend she'd spent in bed, crying her eyes out, refusing to eat or do anything but just lie there, missing him.

When the weekend passed, she got up, locked everything she felt deeply inside her and went to class. From that day on something broke in her once and for all and she just knew that she would never be truly capable of love again. Because she already loved. She already found the love of her life and she just couldn't keep it.

She was never the same again.

What she didn't know was that Harrison wasn't either. He kept on telling himself that he did the right thing in letting her go. That she deserved someone better, _younger_. Still, he suspected he might've just made the biggest mistake of his life and one that he would never be able to take back as he realized that he didn't have his heart anymore because he left it with her.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm afraid the next chap will be the last one, so get ready to say goodbye to this story and hi to another that will come in its place – eosnowells, actually!  
> [](https://postimg.org/image/kh3kvs4xf/)


	6. Chapter 6

During the next two weeks, Caitlin and Harrison were trying to establish a new dynamics in their lives, dealing both with their relationship and work. Caitlin had to admit that dating someone for whom she was actually working was complicated and there were bond to be some issues with that as well. They had to be careful all the same now so no one would catch them together and it wasn't even because they would run into trouble if someone actually did. Harrison had a reputation to uphold and the last thing Caitlin wanted for herself was to be judged. She didn't want people to talk behind her back that she landed her job just because she was sleeping with the boss. Although, as she thought of it some more, if Harry hadn't known her when perusing through the applications, he might've not hired her. Then again, she also knew him enough to be sure that he would never compromise his ethical values for her. If she wasn't good enough, he might've still found her and resumed their love affair, but he would most definitely not give her this position.

Or at least she hoped so, she thought, deciding to work twice as hard to prove to him that he was, indeed, right. Maybe in the end, you couldn't really put your feelings aside and detach yourself completely when it came to work and love, morose thoughts haunted her mind as she was desperately trying to figure out the particle accelerator problem. Maybe once she would've been too proud to accept the offer Harrison had made her, but quite frankly, she didn't give a damn anymore. The world wasn't simply black or white and even good people did bad things – like Barry for a change. And then her. She shouldn't have slept with Harry without breaking up with her boyfriend, yet, that happened. The sex was more than fantastic, but she still felt a little guilty because of it. Maybe she was, too, a good person who just tried to do her best and sometimes failed.

Harry picked up on that new mood of hers immediately and was actually worried she was having second thoughts about them. Yes, working together and actually sharing a life could be hard, but it could also be beyond amazing. They shared their passion for science and made for a fantastic team. In fact, Snow was the only person he could closely work with at the Labs, anyone else just getting on his nerves sooner or later. If that didn't speak a relationship for life than he didn't know what did. Only he didn't find her by the accelerator that day when he brought her coffee. He frowned, checking his watch because she was clearly supposed to be there and failed to show up. He tried reaching her on her cell, but she wasn't picking up, so he just walked straight to her lab. Now abandoned.

No, this wasn't happening, he thought, overcame with a sudden feeling of panic. She couldn't just leave him like this. She loved him, didn't she? Only did she ever say those words to him? Did _he_? He suddenly realized and felt his throat going dry. How could he not say it? He tried desperately to find that memory but came up with nothing. Ok, he might be a reserved man who never truly cared for anyone in his life until Snow came along, but how could he not tell her that he loved her?!

He spotted a piece of paper folded on her desk and picked it up since his name was written on top of it. She so was _not_ going to leave him through _this_ , he thought, actually choosing to feel anger over heartbreak.

He quickly unfolded it and saw the few scribbled words and attached notes. She figured it out. Snow figured out what was wrong with the particle accelerator. And she needed some time for herself.

Only he couldn't care less about the accelerator in this moment. He would destroy that damned device if it meant getting her back. Because truly, she was all he needed.

Without a second thought, he ran straight to her house.

* * *

He caught her just as she was leaving, a bag in hand.

"Snow, what the hell are you doing?!" he asked in a raised voice and she just turned to him, surprised to see him there and so out of it. "I am _not_ letting you go the second time," he told her, just being this strong presence right in front of her, refusing to let her through. "I am not, because ever since I left back then, it's been haunting me. Snow, it was the biggest mistake of my life." His chest was raising and falling rapidly from all the running here from the Labs.

"I thought we made that mistake together," she just said, placing the bag on the ground, actually willing to talk. Which was a relief if someone asked him.

"Maybe we did! Ok!" He agreed, rattled. "But the truth is, Snow, that I was dying inside all that time! I just wanted you. The moment I said I was leaving I just wished you'd disagreed with me, fought for us. I wished you'd said something instead of admitting I was right! I was just waiting for you to speak up, to say that you couldn't give a damn about our careers and what people would say! I wanted so desperately for you to just say that you wanted me no matter what! That you wanted this older and damaged me!"

"Me, too," she confessed in a soft voice and it took him by surprise that she was still this calm whereas he was losing it.

"What?" he just asked, taken aback.

"I was thinking the very same thing," she rephrased. "I kept on waiting for _you_ to say something. The truth is that I would've sacrificed anything and everything for you and that still stands, Harry," she confessed. "Nothing has changed. I'm just… I'm so tired of this. I'm tired of this mess that we've gotten ourselves into _again_."

"Why? Why mess? We're free now to do anything we want," he protested, not understanding. Her attitude actually scared him because she did look tired with this situation and she seem to have given up already. "Snow, I can't change the past," he told her then, desperate to make her stay, to convince her that this could work. "I can only honestly tell you that I regret it. I wanted to do the right thing, to let you go, so you could have a better life, the kind of a life you deserved."

"If you say a life with someone younger, I swear, Harrison, I will punch in that handsome face of yours," she threatened him and he actually smiled.

"Handsome?" he picked up on that.

"Don't push it," she warned him, her expression still unchanged.

"Ok, then I promise never to bring it up ever again," he assured her, "because I'm tired, too, Snow. The truth is that I am so fucking tired of fighting this that I am just done. Maybe we should've never fought in the first place. Maybe we should've just given in. I am never letting you go again unless you look me in the eye right now and tell me that you don't love me. You do that and you're free," he challenged her out of the sudden, playing all his cards.

"You know, I wasn't actually leaving you," she finally revealed. "I was just going away for a while because I needed time to think."

"Because that's something that always ends well," he just said sarcastically.

She sighed, looking away for a moment before meeting his eyes again. "You know, you actually never told me you loved me," she pointed out.

"But I do. I always have. Maybe I was stupid enough to think I didn't have to say it because you knew. But now I know that I always have to say it. I love you, Snow… Caitlin… I have always loved you more than anything and I am sorry I screwed up so much. I cannot take that back. I can only more forward. Preferably with you by my side."

He was so sure she would cave, that she would just fall into his arms and they would have their happy ending, but then she opened her mouth and said the words he truly did not see coming. They just left him in shock. "I'm pregnant."

There was sudden silence as he was processing that information and she was watching for his reaction.

"I… I thought you were on the pill," he finally said in a hoarse voice and he knew it was the dumbest thing he could ever say the moment it left his mouth.

"Yeah, ten years ago when I didn't know any better. When I thought it was so great to stuff myself with pills, when I didn't know they would leave me with terrible side effects which I'd battle for an entire year afterwards, actually," she gave him an angry answer.

"Ok," he nodded, still stunned, having difficulties to wrap his mind around this newest information.

"That's why I needed time, Harry," she continued. "I just wasn't sure what your reaction to becoming a father would actually be. To be honest, I wasn't sure you'd be happy about it."

"Why? Because I always seemed to be this old bachelor who didn't care about anything and anyone but his work? That all changed when _you_ came into my life, Snow."

"So… you're… ok with this?" she asked slowly.

"Of course I am ok with this!" he raised his voice again. "Do you have _any idea_ how smart this baby will be?!"

Jus then a smile finally lit up her face and before he knew it, she ran straight into his arms, burying her face in the crook of his neck and clinging to his body.

"I love you, did you know that, Snow?" he whispered into her ear before he kissed her.

"I love you, too, Harry."

* * *

_Three Months Later_

It was remarkable how life could surprise you sometimes, Snow thought, wearing an evening dress and attending a celebration in the Labs. They'd done it. The particle accelerator was ready and there was no danger. They would revolutionize the way people thought of physics without putting anyone in danger. What more, no one seemed to be bothered by the fact that she was dating Harrison Wells while working there. Not after she'd successfully proven to them all how smart she was. Now after she was the one to fix the accelerator. In fact, people kept on congratulating dr. Wells on his great choice, feeling happy that their boss finally managed to lose his head – or maybe rather heart – for someone. It was better than never, right? Besides, the couple looked so good together!

They probably all already figured out she was pregnant, too, Caitlin decided with a frown. The truth was that she barely fit into her dress and despite her belly not being very visible just yet, it stuck out a little more than usual. Surely, people would soon start talking. Not that she cared. In fact, she didn't care anymore what they would say. All she cared about was her own personal happiness, everything else be damned.

Suddenly, someone grabbed her hand and before she knew it, Harry pulled her into one of the empty labs nearby, closing the door behind them and pushing her gently against the wall before kissing her hungrily.

"Do you have any idea how gorgeous you look in this dress?" he whispered as his lips traced a path down her neck, his hands already all over her body.

"You're not so bad yourself," she teased him with a smile, pulling his shirt out of his pants and sliding her hand up his chest. And then she froze when he suddenly asked straight into her ear, his breath tickling, "Marry me."

"What?" she gasped before she could stop herself and he pulled away so he could look into her eyes.

"Let's make it official. It's long overdue anyway, don't you think?"

"It's been ten years," she said and swallowed hard when looking into his radiant eyes.

"Then it's about time. I swear, I should've asked you _then_."

"Yes," she agreed without further ado. "Of course I will."

"Good," he just said and started kissing her again.

She could already feel him hard and ready against her, so she reached to free him from the confine of his pants.

"I have one condition, though," she mentioned when grabbing him and stroking gently, evoking a groan.

"Yes?" he still managed to ask, barely able to hold himself still.

"From now on there can never be anything that we will put in front of this relationship. Not even work, Harry. It's me and you and this baby and that's all that really matters."

"I wouldn't have it any other way," he promised her before pulling her skirt up and finally finding his way inside her.

Our of all the lessons she'd ever taken, all the classes back in school, this was the most important one, she thought when feeling him inside – the lesson of _love_.

The way she loved him _then_ was nothing compared to the way she loved him now. And it was so much more than physical. It was an understanding, collision of not only flesh but minds as well. Minds that were always working perfectly in synch, being on the same wavelength. Their love and passion for both each other and science making a perfect match.

_The end_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The pill is my personal frustration. Seriously, don't take that crap. I regret I ever did. Messing with your hormones is never a good idea. Just use condoms.
> 
> Also, – never care what people think unless your actions hurt them. Life is too short to care. I got a job myself because I knew the boss, but the difference is that I actually do my damn best to prove that I deserve it, that I'm good at it.


End file.
